Sunday, February 20, 2011

#4 Raby. tangle of discourses. Reflection

Rebecca Raby's article on teenage discourses reminds me of everything that i was told as a teenager, as well as things my family tells me now. Raby conducted her study to show the difference between teens and their grandmothers views on adolescence and the topics brought up growing up. I have to admit I had many reminiscent moments while reading this.

For example on page 433 the first topic is on "discovering one's self" When your a teen the first thought you may have is "where do I belong?" I know from experience that this was the most influential part of my growing up. I could not figure out where I belonged in the world. Coming from a family of 5 girls people would expect me to know exactly what I was going to do. Everyone though i would grow up to be just like the rest of my sisters. But because I grew up with my great grandmother and not around my sisters 24/7 things turned out to be the exact opposite. I was socially awkward and seen as strange when I went to high school. I can say that when I became a teenager I was forced to move in with my mother (because of my Nana passing on) and learn what it was like to grow up rather quickly. Part of me now thinks that it may have had some negative aspects on my life. I also went to a catholic high school, that was full of many stereotypical cliques and "popular" groups that I just didn't seem to fit in with. I ended up being the loud obnoxious student that was always having detentions because of my actions and bullying underclassmen.

On page 434 it talks about at-risk teens. My mother always thought I was going to be one of those kids, and she was right. I received good grades but I was still the troublesome kid that wanted to rebel and do things I wasn't allowed to do. But because my mother ans step-father kept us locked in the house most of the time I wanted to explore the world. I'm not saying that I wanted to go out steal, have sex, go to parties, do drugs and alcohol and get pregnant. But because my parents acted the way they did about all of these things, it made me want to do these things more. It felt as if I was Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden trying to decide whether to eat the apple or not. I had the temptation to be "bad" because it was so wrong to do. I ended up doing all of the things my mother didn't want me doing, including getting pregnant. I know I disappointed her by doing all these things, but I used to blame her for it. I can understand that my mother wanted me to be the best I could be, but I think if she had sat me down and approached the subjects in a manner that I would understand it might have happened differently, or not at all. And if my mother had not assumed me to be that at-risk teen I probably wouldn't have had to worry about those things.

One of my close friends is going through the exact same thing now in her adult life. She is 20 years old and is not allowed to go anywhere by herself unless it is school. She isn't allowed to drive her car, hang out with friends, or have company. Her parents did the same thing to her that my parents did to me. Her parents want her to be a diligent student, and do everything to make them proud. However everything she seems to do comes out wrong. She isn't allowed to drive her car at all because she picked up a friend one day. She has to take the bus from Scituate everyday instead or drive because she "isn't trusted". Her parents take her to counseling and make her take medication. Part of me thinks that her parents are trying to sedate her in order for her to become a model citizen. She attempts to try and intervene, explaining to her parents that if she isn't allowed to do it on her own then she will never learn. Her parents in return have issued her psychiatric help and say that she doesn't know how to listen, and unless she learns she will be a disgrace to the family.

8 comments:

  1. I love how honest you are when putting yourself into the text. Thanks for sharing :) great reflection

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  2. I also respect your honesty- and I agree with what you have to say about really over protective parents because sometimes it just makes me you want to explore instead of being trapped almost!

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  3. Jasmine I have to agree with the rest of the comments and thank you for your honestly when trying to grapple with Raby's piece about discourse. Labeling a teenager at risk often becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, instead we should be encouraging and highlighting the good in people.

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  4. WOW great job you really went deep I love how you tied it into your personal experiences and still brought it back to the article. This was really encouraging and motivating thanks enjoyed reading it.

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  5. Great Job! You were really honest and I could relate to things that you said. The battle between independence and dependence is a difficult road. I really enjoyed reading this.

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  6. Jasmine, You and I are coming from different views. You reflect on yourself; growing up, feeling the discourses of adolescence. I, on the other hand, reflected on my sons adolescent days. Many of Raby's observations and findings seem to ring true with my son.Thank you for sharing your relection with us.

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  7. Your description of your teen years being disruptive and "stormy" reflect Raby's study, you were told you were trouble so you were, a "self fulfilled prohecy". Very interesting. Mary

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  8. Love your honsty on this reflection and i can realate to it alot. one thing i must say having experince working with troubled teen the majority of the teens i work with all have been labeled as troubled and say to themseleves " why try to change when in reality the people in my life think bad of me and have no faith in me". Therefore, there motivation to become a better person is not high because how they are labeled by the people in their lives.

    Great work Jasmine !

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